Confidence is considered a desired trait. Being certain in yourself and having others trust you is a great quality to have. Most people are not born with this style of personality. Luckily, anyone can learn how to start a conversation with confidence.

Before we get started, we should go over a few things. For one, you cannot force yourself to be confident. It is not that simple! Secondly, being confident does not mean being mean or rude. Lastly, confidence comes from within yourself. Trying to emulate someone else will probably end poorly. To avoid making a fool of yourself follow these tips to the best of your ability.

Body Language

For starters, you need to relax. I know your brain is probably going haywire during conversations. Trying to find the right words to say are difficult. However, that is not what I am talking about. You need to relax your body, being tense is awkward. Body language makes up for 90% of the conversation. If your body language is strained, the other person might get the impression you are not comfortable. If they think you are uncomfortable, they will in turn also be uncomfortable. To relax your body just take in some deep breaths. You need to slow down that heart rate a bit. Try stretching or shaking out your limbs to loosen up. Once you are relaxed, you have prepared yourself for the next step.

Next, you need to find a comfortable stance. Being positioned properly can make a big difference. Your stance can be whatever. Whether you are leaning against a wall or putting your hands on your waist, you need to make sure all your muscles are loose. This makes it so you look comfortable in your environment. You don’t want to cross your arms or cover your face. Having negative body language gives off the impression that you don’t care. You want to make yourself look as open as possible. This makes you seem more trustworthy. Trust relates directly to confidence.

Messing with your things is something to look out for when positioning yourself. You should avoid fiddling with your clothes or fingers. Even though you might be nervous, the last thing you want to do is show it. Usually, this does not make a big difference, but it will keep you from being distracted.

How to talk confidently: For Beginners

Now that you are in position, it is finally time to strike a conversation. Before we get into the things that you need to do, here is a quick list of things not to do.

  • Do not bring up money, politics, or religion

  • Do not brag

  • Do not be racist, sexist, etc.

If you want to have a successful conversation, it is pretty obvious not to do any of the listed things above.

Starting a conversation can be difficult, especially if it is the first encounter. You need to have the right tone and volume based on the occasion. If you are in an outside environment, use a strong voice. If it is somewhere quiet like a library, you should strive to be enthusiastic yet not too loud.

For the sake of ease, in this example, you will be starting the conversation. You don’t need to be funny or anything. You just need to engage the person you’re talking to. Try to start the conversation by exchanging names. Introducing yourself, in a cool and relevant manner is important. Having confidence in your voice is simply done by speaking clearly.

Try not to stutter your words. Next, ask their name and try to ask questions about them. People like to think that they’re interesting. Make them think so.

For effective and engaging conversation:

  • Ask questions about their work, school, sports, music, etc…

  • Learn something about them

  • Talk briefly about yourself

  • Bring up interesting topics like recent news, a mutual friend, tv, etc…

Being confident will come naturally. The true and proper way to tap into your confidence is to get comfortable. You will eventually be able to say whatever your mind thinks and not worry at all. Establishing the first connection with someone is usually the hardest. Acting like you don’t care or acting like you care too much can be harmful. Staying calm, with a cool distance, can make you seem more approachable.

Make Fear Your Friend

Be fearless in starting a conversation with confidence. You might think I am crazy, but it is true. If you are afraid to say what you are thinking, then you are being the exact opposite of confident. If someone says something super engaging, that you are just not ready for, say so. They will respect you for that. Having conversation confidence also means you have the ability to protect your comfort level. Show them you are not a pushover. Being friendly and being confident are two completely different things.

Be Seamless

Learning to seamlessly walk in and out of one conversation to the next is not easy. Being able to leave a conversation is just as important as starting one. When you desire to end your encounter, say something nice and departing. Personally, I say something along the lines of, “All right, I’ll see Y’all! Have a good one!” However, I am from the South. So what you say will probably differ by where you live. The layout though is always the same. Say something about leaving and then say something nice. Eventually, you will be saying the same things to enter or exit a conversation all the time. This makes it second nature and prevents hesitation. Being seamless while talking will make you a great conversationalist.

Being confident in conversation does not happen overnight. These confidence skills will develop over time. If you are the shy type, following these steps that I laid out can make a big difference. Being good at conversation can help your confidence, but not necessary. As long as you are relaxed and comfortable, being confident will come with ease. Confidence sometimes isn’t felt, but it can be seen. So, even if you feel like nothing has changed, that might not be how people see it. In the end, there are no tricks or easy cheats. You just have to be yourself.